Information for Teenagers & 20-somethings Here I will provide information specific to those aged 15 - 25 in regards to the benefits of massage and bodywork. There are many reasons massage could be considered necessary for teens and college students nowadays and I'll add more information as I get time.
To start, here is an article from Associated Bodywork and Massage Professionals that I first offered in my Spring 2005 newsletter. Massage for Your Teenager? The teenage body is in the midst of transformation -- exponential growth and development in a rapid period of time. On the physical side, teens may be at increased risk for aches, pains, and injury. Many teens strain their bodies with competitive sports, get erratic sleep, and consume a less-than-optimal diet. Massage can help muscles recover from overuse, and help balance the body and maintain that stability. Perhaps even more crucial, teen massage can help improve body image and sleep patterns, and contribute to decreased depression, anxiety, and stress. This keeps a teen connected to her body, even as it morphs in confounding ways. "Many teens are self-conscious, and not happy with their bodies," says Eeris Kallil, massage therapist and shiatsu instructor at the Boulder College of Massage Therapy, in Colorado. "Massage can help teens stay grounded." Bodywork has also been reported to help mediate eating disorders, a growing concern among teens. Another potential plus: A beneficial, therapeutic relationship can develop between bodyworkers and teenagers during the years when adolescents need adult confidantes, but keep parents at a distance. The practitioner can become a supportive, trusted adult in a teen's life. And the session itself, according to Kallil, can be a way to deal with all the physical and emotional turmoil of this tender age.
The following article is posted here, on a 'massage' site, because the true goal of this site and my practice is to educate people so they can make healthy decisions in all areas of their life. Physical health is a very important aspect in our lives, but emotional and spiritual health cannot be ignored - they are all interconnected. I have decided to reprint this article as a starting point for meaningful thought and conversation among my clients who are in their college years and for my clients who have kids entering this impressionable time of life. There will not be change in the attitudes toward sexual promiscuity until those of us who lived through it admit that life could have been better had we waited until marriage. Think of all the hurdles and stumbles we could've avoided and the hurt and misplaced feelings we had or caused that didn't have to be there to add to the other challenges of 'growing up'. With that said; The following is a discussion about sex and how it impacts us as a whole - physically, psychologically, spiritually. This could be the biggest decision we make in our teen-20s years with how great it can affect our entire health (all aspects). If you are a teenager or college aged, or if you are a parent of someone in this age range, please take a moment to seriously consider this information and the danger of sexual promiscuity and benefits of abstinence (without even discussing diseases and damage from 'unsafe' sex). This has been reprinted with permission from the author, Mark Gungor - presenter of 'Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage' seminars. The Damage of Sexual Promiscuity Some years ago, while doing some video taping of cranes in the wild from a helicopter, I learned of how these birds “imprint” when they are first born. In other words, whatever creature they first interact with after birth, they assume it is their mother, even if it is a human. I immediately thought of what first-time sex does to a man. This overwhelming new experience IMPRINTS on him and he connects the context with the experience. Those who have their first sexual experience outside of marriage imprint on the sex – those who have their first sexual experience in the context of marriage imprint on the girl. Consider scenario A: Boy gets girl to let him fondle her in the back seat of a car. Soon he is undressing her. His heart is pounding as it becomes clear that she will allow him to have sex with her. The windows are steamed, he is now in a major hurry (lest she changes her mind or someone catches them). He experiences an adrenalin rush not unlike a thief experiences when he first steals or a thrill seeker gets when jumping from an airplane. He then enters her body and experiences his first sexual experience with a woman. This incredible experience leaves a major “imprint” on him. Now (possibly for the rest of his life) he is likely to view sex in the context of “lust” and “naughtiness”. This is the man who will constantly be pushing his wife to try some outrageous new behavior, take sexual risks or constantly role-play – all in an attempt of re-living that experience that has had such a profound impact on his psyche. He is not really interested in the girl; he is interested in the sex. Now consider scenario B: A man falls in love with a woman and asks her to marry him. His friends approve, his family approves, his co-workers approve. They all join in a concerted effort to make the event a success – planning, showers, and parties. They all come together in one gigantic effort to celebrate their approval of what he has chosen. They now gather in the presence of God, under the additional approval of his minister. They commit themselves before God and are then off for what will arguably be the biggest party of his life. Then, with the joyous approval of every person important in his life, he takes his bride to their honeymoon suite and for the first time in his life – without the rush or fear of a back-seat encounter – he experiences the most wonderful sensation of his life as he enters his bride’s body and reaches his sexual peak. He now ties EVERYTHING I just mentioned to that one girl – all the approval of his family, friends and coworkers, the church, the celebration, and most importantly, the incredible sensation he has just felt. All these elements join together and he IMPRINTS on the girl, for it is because of her and only her that he has just experienced the most wonderful day of his life. Many would argue that this wedding day scenario would have the same effect independent of the first-time sexual act, but they would be wrong. NOTHING impacts a man like his first sexual experience. If a man has his first sex outside of marriage, what he imprints on is the SEX – indeed, it becomes as if any woman willing to have sex with him would suffice. Many of these men later turn to illicit affairs or porn, fantasies and masturbation in a pathetic attempt to re-visit the experience to which they have forever imprinted upon. Women who marry such men can sense this and try desperately to get their man to focus solely on them. Sadly, it is a battle that most lose. On the other hand, when a man has his first sexual experience in the context of marriage, he imprints on the GIRL, for she is the sole reason for his incredible experiences. Indeed, these men tend to marry once for life. When I was growing up, boys were told to marry a virgin because the other girls were "damaged goods”. It very well may turn out, however, that it is the girls who should be careful to marry a virgin because it is sexually experienced men who can become the most "damaged". What about the girl… The answer, of course, is that a woman, too, receives a great deal of damage from being sexually promiscuous, and her damage is both psychological and physiological. First the psychological damage: When a woman experiences sex without commitment, she soon learns (falsely) that sex means little to nothing. Why? Because nothing happens: no relationship results – he may never even call her or talk to her again. She has inaccurately learned from other men that sex and commitment are two completely separate issues, which they are not. That is why so many married women view sex as an unimportant side issue in marriage, when it is, in fact, a key and central issue to a successful marriage. God’s original plan was to use sex as the path to commitment. But because of promiscuity, she no longer views sex as a path to her husband’s commitment. On the contrary, she begins to demand that commitment BEFORE sex is granted, something he is not wired to do. The result is a relationship that struggles. As for the physiological damage, science shows us that when a woman has sex with a man, a chemical called oxytocin is released into her system. Oxytocin is a neuro-peptide most commonly associated with pregnancy and breast-feeding. It seems to act as a human superglue and helps a woman bond with her infant. This chemical also helps a woman bond with her lover during sex. New scientific studies, however, suggest that if a woman has multiple sexual partners, this will lower her levels of oxytocin which in turn can inhibit her ability to bond to her husband. According to an article by Drs. John Diggs and Eric Keroack, "People who have misused their sexual faculty and become bonded to multiple persons will diminish the power of oxytocin to maintain a permanent bond with an individual." It is like taking a piece of strong packing tape and applying it to a box. Leave it alone, and it will hold that box together for decades and decades. Take it off and re-apply it and, well… it just doesn’t hold as well anymore. Keep applying it and taking it off and applying it and taking it off and… I think you get the idea. This is what can happen to a woman who has multiple sex partners. Even though a woman also can suffer negative consequences from promiscuity, I believe that men can have the most to lose. Why? Because a sexually promiscuous woman, despite lowered levels of oxytocin and a less than positive attitude toward sex in general, still is internally wired to WANT to connect with her husband. Indeed, that desire is so strong, it causes her to fight through many of the negative side affects of her previous sexual experiences. A man, however, has no such natural “wiring”. If he fails to properly “imprint” and bond to the wife of his youth, he may spend the rest of his life in a disconnected state from her – indeed, from any woman. What he may do is attempt to re-connect with what he had imprinted on so many years earlier and foolishly turn to porn, affairs, lust, etc... All which can have severe negative consequences to his marriage. Overcoming Sexual Damage The degree of the damage largely depends on the degree to which people become sexually involved before marriage, particularly if there are a number of different partners. It also can vary from person to person. For some who have had just a few consensual experiences, they may seem to carry little residual effects; while for others, even just one consensual experience can cause them to struggle later in their marriage. You can imagine the result if a person’s sexual experiences were not consensual - it is likely that much damage will have occurred. The question now is: can a person who has been damaged have a meaningful sex life? Thankfully, the answer is yes, any person can have a wonderful sex life, but it will more likely come easier to those who waited until marriage. Those who did not may find they will have to work at it a lot harder. Here’s an analogy I like to use: there are people who can seemingly eat anything they want and never gain any weight. Then there are those who allow themselves the slightest indulgence and they will gain a couple of pounds! What is the difference? One has a very different metabolism from the other. So it is true with those who did not wait till marriage for sex – their “sexual metabolism” may be very different from those who did wait. Evidence shows that couples who wait until marriage report more satisfying sex lives than those who do not wait. And since sex is so important to the bonding of the couple, this is why couples who marry as virgins have a much lower divorce rate than those who did not wait. A couple whose only sexual experience has been with each other is much more likely to experience a natural “bonding” whereas those who have been promiscuous may find they will need to be much more intentional and deliberate in their approach to sex in order to bond. In Conclusion Outside of marriage, men tend to imprint on the lustiness of “naughty” sex. A man may try to re-live that in his marriage by fantasizing or trying to guilt his wife into performing sexually in ways that she is not comfortable with. He tends to focus on what the woman is doing to him, instead of focusing on what he will do for her. It would be better, however, for that man to stop trying to re-live his previous sexual experiences and force himself to intentionally focus on his wife, think about her, actually be with her, and not attempt to recreate the sexual exploits of his youth. Outside of marriage, women tend to come away with an attitude that “sex doesn’t mean anything” when, if fact, it can mean everything when it comes to her husband truly bonding with her. She must now be much more deliberate in her approach to sex, having to continually remind herself that sex is a vital component for her marriage to thrive. Can they have great sex now? Yes! But it may not come as easily to them if they had waited. And the greater the damage, the more effort it will take for the couple. (Boy, if anybody should warn their children about the negative possibilities of pre-marital sex it should be those who have experienced it first hand!) Virtually anyone can still experience a meaningful sex life, but let’s stop pretending that sex before marriage is “no big deal” and start telling people the truth – for two reasons: 1) so that our kids can avoid the problem in the first place and 2) so those who have been affected can learn how they can still succeed, even though it may take a lot more effort for them. Always remember, God is not a prude. He does not tell us to avoid sexual promiscuity because he is somehow embarrassed about sex. He just knows how we are wired and wants us to experience the very best. Mark Gungor J (Please visit www.laughyourway.com for more about Mark Gungor and Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage Seminars)
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